So...

Treading water is a funny old thing. You put in some effort to stay afloat, and that can be tiring, but it's not enough effort to actually get anywhere. 

Want to tread water a bit in life?
I'll tell you how, because over the past few months I have become something of an expert.

• Make excuses as to why you don't actually need to make progress
• Revert back to old habits because they are comfortable
• Forget what it feels like to be successful

Essentially, if I continue down the path I am on now I am going to wake up one day weighing 96.3kg and it is going to be very humbling. I feel as if I am clinging on to my weight loss for dear life but I am very close to losing my grip on the ledge and falling back into my old life. 

I can't be that person again! 

Last night I abandoned my plans of going to the gym and then having a salad and glass of wine at home and instead got very drunk, had fish and chips in a pub with my colleagues and now have a very, very sore stomach and feel totally fat. That behaviour isn't my life anymore, it's my old life peeking through.

I just feel so lonely in my new life sometimes though. My friends all go off drinking and I go for a run, or to the gym, or just straight home so I don't eat junkfood at the bar. 

I feel like I am the only person in the world who has to work this hard and give up so much to be in the healthy weight range. But there's that "oh poor me" voice again. This is my own doing, if I had stuck to my calorie intake throughout the week I would have had a bit up my sleeve for a glass of wine. If I could do what I used to do and stop at one glass of wine and no potato chips I could enjoy my Friday nights with friends rather than hiding myself away.

Once again I am finding myself at a point where I need to evaluate my decisions and actions and address the habits that aren't healthy. It's hard to do! But being obese is harder.

I want to get to 65kg, it's my ultimate goal and I need to finish this strong.

Want to stop treading water with me? Take stock of your life and pinpoint the habits that really aren't helping and figure out how you can modify them. Also, if you happen to live in Wellington, NZ and your idea of a good Friday night involves a gym session and a salad please, please be my bestie.