Day One

Day one of my initial 25 days done! 


I started training for my Waitarere Forest 5k today as well, I got the gym with the intention of hitting the treadmill but they were all in use and it looked like they were really settling in for the long haul. So I took advantage of the beautiful weather (almost no wind - unheard of for Wellington!) and went for a run along the waterfront. It was hard, not gonna lie. I planned to run 5mins, walk 1 and repeat that 5 times. After the third time my calf muscles and achilles were screaming. I wore heels at work today and I really paid for it. So for the final 15 mins I alternated running with walking a bit more frequently, but I did not give up which makes me hugely proud :)


Last night I found out that the wedding dress I have fallen in love with is waaaayyy out of our price range so I've decided to try on some off the rack gowns in September and if nothing feels like "the one" I will get a dressmaker to copy the one I've found for a fraction of the price.


Food today has been good, I managed to turn my mood around quite well too as I woke up in a foul self-loathing state for allowing myself to be back to 92.5kg on the scales and for once again letting myself down. I can't move forward without forgiving myself for being imperfect, but it's just really hard sometimes!!


Exercise tomorrow is easy as I've got netball (I always manage to stumble into sports teams...) so just need to keep my food on track. I've realised that the problems with me and food starts when I make a conscious decision to go off track. It can start with a small treat, a meal out for dinner that I want to make the most of or it can start with a boozy Friday afternoon, but it always has the same impact and can be really hard to recover from. So I'm going to have a go at no extras, no cheat meals, nothing I can't be accountable for, just to see how it goes. I'm getting to the point where I can't visualise myself smaller because I've been this size for so many years now, and that's scary. So I need to prove to myself that it can be done. If I weigh less than 78kg when I go wedding dress shopping I will be happy. I don't need to be a size 8 or 10, I just want to be have arms that don't spill over everything and I want to be comfortable. Back at that weight I was comfortable, I would always have preferred to lose a bit more but I could walk into stores and take my pick of clothes, I had the confidence to go out dancing with my friends and I could run a bit quicker than my current snail pace. 


All in time though, I guess learning about myself as I go is important and that's why losing weight takes so long. Sigh.