Fighting with yourself

Yesterday was the first time in well over a month that I just didn't want to lose weight. It was all hard and stressful and I was hungry and had already made poor choices and I was feeling on the verge of getting the flu and I began to wonder - 


Is this it? Is my winning streak over? Will it all pile up on top of me now and I'll go back to my old ways.


That thought was terrifying, yet at the same time my old comforts were calling me. The food, the laziness, the easy option to cope with life.


On the bus home I considered my options and thought about what my old life REALLY offers me:


1. Feeling sick from what I ate the night before when I wake up EVERY morning
2. That "I want to cry" feeling when I walk into the bathroom and see the scales looking at me
3. The very real fear of having my photo taken or seeing myself in a mirror/window
4. Not being able to go clothes shopping
5. Constantly searching the internet for a cure for "whatever is wrong with me"
6. Not being interested in anything that doesn't involve food
7. Hiding my body from BF
8. Being ashamed and thinking I'm not good enough all the time
9. People hitting me as they walk past me on the bus because I hang over the edge of the seat a bit
10. The constant unspoken question lingering in the air whenever I hang out with a certain friend (worth her own blog post really) - "So, why are you still fat?"


So yeah, eating all the chocolate humanly possible might sound like a nice idea in theory, but in practice it is truly just building yourself a little jailcell to watch life go on without you. I'm not saying being overweight makes you not participate in life, I'm saying being overweight made ME not participate in life.


Oh - and by the way I made a healthy choice for tea, got plenty of bedrest and woke up this morning for my PT session feeling 100% healthy and 100% motivated. So no, the feeling doesn't last forever and this is not the end of my winning streak :)


Lesson of yesterday: Difficult days happen and they pass. Don't do anything hasty (or tasty).


P.S I had a mean outfit today, might try to get a pic of it later
P.P.S I love lingere. More importantly, love my body enough now to feel sexy (!) wearing it. I'm addicted, I dig out all the stuff that fits once again and wear it with pride!