Motivation for change

Just a quick stop by to say hello!


Everything is going well, I've had a small slice of chocolate each day for the past two days and haven't let it turn into a "I've blown it all now, what an idiot" binge fest. I'm pretty proud of that to be honest. Knowing that a small treat isn't going to kill me and won't make me put on a kilo instantly is so comforting. All these years I've binged after a very small slip up, I'm beginning to realise I was just using these as an excuse to overeat. I would plan it in my head, e.g. "we have that morning tea today, there is going to be soooo many nice things on that table, and we could even have take-out tonight because by then I'd have really blown it, oh and for lunch I could ask so-and-so out to eat fries with aioli, so I may as well start with a crappy breakfast, then I can eat whatever I want all day..."


That kind of thinking was so out of whack, yet those thoughts ran through my head every day. I was upset if I made myself stay on the straight and narrow. I would eat until I was sick, then roll myself off to bed. Poor Boyfriend was my second love, my true love was food. What scares me is this was only 5 weeks ago and there are still shades of it coming through now. The chances of me slipping back to that way of thinking are statistically higher than me coming through this with a rearranged head. Knowing that makes me more determined.


This journey started with my motivation not to cry when I saw a fat marshmellow in a wedding dress, but that's not so much my motivation anymore. Boyfriend and I love to make plans about the future, we plan to save really hard and build our dream home near our families in New Plymouth. We plan to have children and be an active family - walking, swimming, hiking, cycling and NOT sitting in front of a gaming console. To me, our future is perfect and we've both worked hard enough at our careers that our amazing dream home goal is realistic. My motivation isn't about what I look like, it's about my children and my future husband. It's about enjoying every moment I will have with them, rather than letting an obsession with food dull out the rest of the world and make me numb. It might sound weird that I think about children that are about 7 years away from being born so much but all my life I've wanted to be a mum and to break the cycle of broken homes that my family has seen so much of.


I gymed it up tonight and did a power class (similar to body pump) I really pushed myself hard until my arms felt like jelly. I keep thinking about wedding photos of my arms and that gets me through when the going gets tough (haha, still a little motivated by the wedding dress ok!?).


This weekend we get Monday off work for Waitangi Day. Can't wait! We've started a Saturday morning tradition of hitting the vegie market, supermarket and then going to People's coffee (best flat whites in the world, not even lying) to sit in the sun and get our fix. 


Oh! My veggie garden is going sooooo well! I need to update with some pics asap! Veggie gardening really relaxes me, it's so weird but they grow so fast yet you never see them move. For some reason I can literally spend hours just looking at the plants and seeing new buds, leaves, flowers, fruit etc... Boyfriend is really nice and says my obsession with pointing out every single new tomato/capsiscum/strawberry/flower/bud/leaf isn't weird. Deep down he probably is quite concerned.


Wow, this wasn't such a quick check in. Right - bed time. Tomorrow is my first alcohol free Friday since I moved to Wellington.... Wish me luck!