What changed?

I can't put my finger on what changed in my brain and made me start losing some serious weight. All I know is that before Easter i was a binge eating serial dieter and after easter I became a dedicated, motivated and patient loser. It might have been seeing my Brother so sick over Easter and feeling so completely helpless taught me that my problems are not like his, I hold the cure to my problems while he might struggle forever. Caring for him also showed me that I'm not a mean, impatient and selfish person, I'm a caring big sister and I truly wanted to swap places with him. It also showed me that noone actually gives a shit what I look like and that I've got good health and I'm young and I'm standing on the sidelines of like wonering what to eat next. Maybe I realised I was trapped in a cycle of self destruction and self pity and it was time to get a fucking grip. Whatever happened, I'm glad. And I live in fear that my brain will one day change back to the old me. Funny thing is though, the longer I go on as the new me the less I want to revert to old habits. It gets easier as time goes on, I gave up so many times thinking it would be hard forever. Silly me.


I guess the moral of the story is, get real. If you want to make a change, don't sit around waiting for it to come to you. If you want to be healthy, accept that you need to change your attitudes towards how you treat food. If you don't want to give up eating your favourite foods whenever you want and you don't want to make sacrifices or plan ahead or be hungry at times, then you aren't ready to lose weight. It's simple. I don't know why I always thought it was so hard.


My brothers both were dealt an unfair hand by genetics, and I've always carried a lot of guilt that I have always been 100% healthy. I feel as though I was born first and took all the healthy genes with me. It might seem like strange logic, but I feel guilty all the time that my life will always be somewhat easier. I owe it to both of them not to waste it. I can't believe the time I have spent over the last three or four years literally hating my life. I am going to keep losing weight, keep establishing healthy habits and start participating in life with all my energy like I used to. Whenever I feel like I've had a shit day, I put it ito perspective and perhaps it's not actually so bad at all.


Weird rant ends.