Will I be like this forever?

Will I think about food and my weight obsessively forever? Lose weight and then gain it again? Start a new diet and blow it? Get my hopes up and crush them? Lie awake at night hating myself and my body? Avoiding social situations? Living a life of regret? Searching in desperation for a cure? 


I feel like my life is on repeat. I have this disease that can't be cured, why can't I do this?


A skinny person would say losing weight is easy. Just stop eating. But it's not like that. I'm different. I'm perpetually hungry, it just never stops. Please make it stop. Please.


The pressure I'm putting on myself for the wedding is compounding these feelings. But I don't see a way out. I can't get married like this. I see girls bigger than me, and I think "they could get married like that". But not me, I'm different. If I'm not skinny and pretty what am I? I'm neither of those things so really what am I? I don't know. I just don't know.